“SISTERHOOD” IS MEANINGFUL
by rubyfruit2
RIVALRY AND COMPETITION
The class of women learn to compete with other women; to see each other as rivals while constantly vying for male attention. From birth through to girlhood and into adulthood, male attention is something we are taught to aspire to. We should be prettier, thinner, more docile and appealing than the next girl/woman. We are also taught to disbelieve each other when we speak out and to protect men from other women by blaming those women for what men do. Some of the loudest rape apologists are women (1 of the women panellists on #bbcqt last night, for example, vociferously agreed with rape myths spouted by a male misogynist speaker).
COMPULSORY HETEROSEXUALITY
This is not an unhappy coincidence. It is part of the social construction of compulsory heterosexuality where women are emotionally, financially and physically bound to men. That dependence is deeply tied to self-esteem, self-worth and our very sense of self. I actually remember, pre-feminist days, saying, and thinking, that I didn’t “get on with” other women much. How many (heterosexual) women say “I prefer men’s company“? That’s because other women are only good for confidences when talking about men and problems with men. Everything about compulsory heterosexuality is centred on the needs of men – including relationships between women. Other women sustain us in our relationships with men through their emotional support; they encourage us to see “the good” in him; they are there for us when we cry in frustration and despair. And we do the same for them. We have learned from a very young age that this is how our relationships with each other should go.
Only male supremacy benefits from this. We lose out. As part of compulsory heterosexuality, other women serve as cheerleaders for men and are our conditioning’s echo-chamber versus our lived experiences. The role of other women helps to tie us to compulsory heterosexuality rather than break free of it.
A lesbian friend of mine once observed how heterosexual women behaved in the showers at her local gym. “They scrub themselves in places I would only do at home. They do it because I am invisible. All other women are invisible. Only men are seen and matter to them.” This seems to me to be a microcosm of how relationships between women are played out under hetero-patriarchy.
FEMINIST/PRO-WOMAN CONSCIOUSNESS-RAISING
Whether it‘s too deeply entrenched for women to acknowledge it or not, we do know when heterosexual friends will always put men first. This teaches us how unimportant we are to other women. When we do find women we can relate to, in different ways, all kinds of possibilities open up. This includes the possibilities that we can love this woman in all ways, including romantically, spiritually and sexually. It is one of the reasons why so many heterosexual women flirt with, or fall for, lesbians. They have never been treated as if they matter to other women. Many of us fall in love with our friends but. Compulsory heterosexuality! Only men are important. There’s lots of denial, selective memory loss and explaining this away instead of exploring the possibilities of love for women.
SEXUAL/ROMANTIC AND OTHER INTIMACY WITH WOMEN: DOOR UNLOCKED
When we realise we have been separated from each other by male supremacist ideas of competition and rivalry, it can be a significant shift in our feminist consciousness. It opens up a new world. It is the start of the possibilities of romantic and sexual love for other women. For many feminists, the political realisation that they can be pro-woman and counter their conditioning is a pivotal moment. Through feminist consciousness-raising, we realise that each individual woman we meet has something unique to value in and of itself. Chances are, she has not encountered that kind of full acceptance outside feminist circles. I certainly had not until I met lesbian feminists who showed me a new way of finding intimacy and care between women.
LINKING “SISTERHOOD” WITH SURVIVING MALE SEXUAL VIOLENCE
For many of us, our CR (consciousness-raising) involves coming to terms with ourselves as survivors of male sexual violence. And that almost every woman we meet is a survivor. We come to terms with the fact that our reality does not match the myths borne of male supremacy. As survivors, we are dismissed, disbelieved and not listened to. We know that it is the protection of men which is at the heart of society’s concerns and that we will be punished, blamed and ostracised if we dare to name our abuse and abusers. As feminists, we can ensure that women we meet know we believe them, that we listen to their truths and empathise and understand them. Our personal stories, and struggles, are rooted in submission, torture and abuse, as a subjugated class. If other feminists cannot hear us, who can?
WHAT “SISTERHOOD” IS NOT
All of this is what I call “sisterhood”. It is not a cult. It is not a way of saying “you must be in my group”. Far from it. In fact, meaningful “sisterhood” results in taking responsibility for our actions and behaviour towards other women, in keeping with our feminist ideology.
“SISTERHOOD” IS NOT “IDENTITY POLITICS”
In a recent article (I give the link below), about “sisterhood”, the concept is referred to as an “identity”. An important part of the CR process where women move towards (radical) feminism, is dismissed through labelling that process “identity politics” by a small minority of those involved with online radical feminism. There is nothing wrong with describing the ways in which feminism has impacted on our own individual lives and/or labelling it. In fact, it’s helpful to do so because it shows how the CR process interacts with feminist theory. Some write as though radical feminism has not changed them at all. They see it as an intellectual pursuit of no consequence to their daily lives or a rhetoric they spout which bears no relationship to how they behave. If this is the case, I question just how far radical feminism has truly reached them. We learn that the world is dominated by male supremacy, that our class has soaked up, and internalised, that domination, – and yet that has not affected us and the way we live our own lives? Wow. Incredible.
ONLINE “SISTERHOOD”
Online “sisterhood” is believing other women about their own experiences under patriarchy, understanding other women when they are in trauma, yes, holding women accountable for what they do, but also understanding why women may lash out in trauma and distress at each other. In order to understand, we do need to be able to communicate with each other, to articulate where things have gone wrong, and where we have made mistakes.
The online climate of being able to move on far more easily than IRL (a simple click of a block or defriend button on Facebook and poof! the problem has disappeared), without even attempting to resolve conflict, is all too easy. The impermanent, spontaneous way of communicating over the internet does impact heavily on the concept of “sisterhood” because there is often not the opportunities to communicate differently. Text communications are easily misunderstood and misinterpreted and that adds to our challenges (I wrote a more detailed blog post about this subject https://sisterhoodispowerful.wordpress.com/2012/11/03/making-the-internet-work-for-radical-feminism/ )
We all make mistakes, mis-communicate or misunderstand each other. “Feminist ethics” means that we hold ourselves to account so that we can learn how to do better in our attempts to collectively sustain a movement. That has always been an ongoing challenge for feminism.
CHALLENGES TO “SISTERHOOD”
However, we face another challenge which is distinctly contemporary. The whole phenomenon of online blog posts, of immediate interaction with hundreds, if not thousands, of others, simultaneously, encourages egos, egotism and allows narcissists and psychopaths to come to the fore and take centre stage. Some of those women use the rhetoric of “sisterhood” in order to control, influence and manipulate. Observations over time may make it clear who is doing this. Similar patterns enact themselves in all spheres of online spaces (I’ve been around and watched the same phenomenon develop over and over in a variety of spaces. A friend watched one person being scapegoated and hounded out of a seemingly innocuous online forum about classical music!).
After a while of observation, it may be clear who is in the online (radical) feminist space for the thrills of non-stop conflict and trolling and ego-massaging and who is there because of commitment to the fight against injustice towards women, as a class, and individually. We should take our observations seriously, act accordingly, and not be afraid to face up to abusive behaviour even though it runs counter to the concept of “sisterhood”. “sisterhood” should not cloud our judgement to such an extent that we ignore unethical behaviour. I have recently experienced appalling behaviour with some elaborate cover-ups – my bottom line is this: If specific behaviour would not be tolerated within patriarchy, then I am fucked if I’ll put up with it in the name of “sisterhood” activism.
THE LONG TERM GOAL OF DESTROYING PATRIARCHY
I am arguing that the political notion of “sisterhood” is very far removed from a “cult” or an empty, sickly promise of love and care forever more. It is a political strategy within the fight to end male supremacy. We cannot even begin to tackle male entitlement if we have not freed ourselves of the condition which sets up other women for our ridicule, contempt, rivalry, hatred and competition.
Destroying patriarchy is a long-term goal. It probably won’t happen in our life times. In the meantime, we have to sustain our political activism if we are to start building the “bricks of resistance” (I think that’s a mis(?)quote from Lierre Keith). We start with undoing the conditioning which has kept us from each other. By teaching ourselves, and each other, that it is possible to value, love and care for other women. We cannot fight patriarchy if we are kept apart. No class at war goes into the fray divided and separated.
Only by learning how to provide sustainable alternatives to patriarchy can we truly build on top of “sisterhood”. “Sisterhood”, like lesbian feminist communities for radical lesbian feminists, sustains us when we ride into battle with patriarchy. If we don’t have alternatives where we can breathe freely, all we have is war without end and we burn out and our activism dies.
For a completely alternative view to the concept of “sisterhood” read this: http://witchwind.wordpress.com/2014/02/07/sisterhood-sisterhood-thoughts-on-identity-and-what-it-does-to-radical-feminism/
sisterhoodispowerful 
I agree with you both. I think whats being talked about in both posts here is two different things. We don’t talk about sisterhood usually. What it means as an ideal. Its thrown around as this nebulous term for solidarity or conformity. Or it’s used as a method of cliquing, whereby you’re part of the warm fuzzy sisterhood where you deserve love or you’re cast aside, not a sister, not worthy of even the most basic respect.
The lack of consciousness raising is a problem. Women need to overcome their feminine mystique issues and begin to deal with each other more directly. I’ve found like witchwind has said in some of her posts that at a certain point I just cannot deal with some women, so still trapped in patriarchal ways of thinking and being. It’s destructive to the self. Radical Feminism at it’s core is about honoring our-selves.
So I’m wary of the “sisterhood”. Its an ideal that I try to live up to but its not a real community I’m aware of.
I literally find it destructive and taxing to try to befriend and help women who are so embedded in heterosexuality. The only reason I do this is because I deep down inside i believe in sisterhood as an ideal and wish to be an ally to women. IN fact, I find it damn right impossible to not feel bad for them even though the women in my life are constantly trying to get me to conform to patriarchy.
All of my female friends are patriarchal religious idealists, believe in marriage, following beauty mandates, and are bent on serving and pleasing the men in their lives that abuse them, even when I constantly encourage them to stop because these men are destructive and they don’t need them. I try my hardest to advise them of the abuse of the men in their lives, and explain patriarchy, but I’m met with NASTY and hateful backlash and defensiveness from women. I’ve been called godless, ugly,sinful, and sad by other women who benefit from my kindness but hate my advice.
My female circle tries to use me as a support system for their kids, and emotional comfort when everybody else lets them down, because they know I will always be there. And I have no problem with always being there, I want to always be there, because I love women, but it just seems like sisterhood is useless when they just want me to shut-up and be the shoulder they lean on. Then accuse me of selfishness and evilness when I refuse this.Above all else the women in my life blame other women for their pain and not the parasites of their life (men), the ones who got them pregnant, the ones who are emotionally distant, uncaring, and selfish, the ones that cheat and abuse them. Whenever I try to point this out I am met with instant misogyny.
I find that sisterhood for me is better spent distancing myself away from everybody at this point. Sisterhood as a practice in my personal life is DRAINING, and most of the time does not work but only benefits the abusers of these women and patriarchy as a whole, by stealing my energy and it going straight back to the black hole ( men ).
urgh, yes it’s horrible to feel you’re alone, paddling in a canoe going against the overwhelming currents. Experiencing comp het without any back-up or support, political or otherwise, is tough, if not, impossible. This article was written in the context of a sustainable (radical) feminist movement. It’s impossible when you’re entirely on your own. I really hope you’re able to find a sustainable “sisterhood”. If it’s draining you, it isn’t “sisterhood”.
Many of us have removed ourselves from purely heterosexual women’s environments because of what you describe. Fighting the comp het forces in place, by yourself, or even with others, can feel like a never-ending battle. For it to work, it should be a place of mutual sustenance for everyone involved so that we are re-charged in our work of pulling down patriarchal walls.
I am so sorry this happens to you. Yes, it is difficult to deal with women for whom so much is about men if you’re not in there playing that game with them, even if you’re straight. I can’t imagine how much more difficult it must be for a lesbian.
I hope you can find some more supportive friends. I can certainly understand your wanting to pull back and isolate yourself, though.
I found mandatory mutual nudity at high school gym intrusive and managed to cut gym classes for most of my tenure there. It’s interesting to hear, indirectly, a lesbian perspective on this, because I most decidedly did not feel invisible, nor that any of the other girls were.
However, they do it to boys too. Do they feel invisible? I expect not.
I think experiencing compulsory nudity as a young woman and experiencing it as an adult when you have chosen that option (there’s usually lockers etc at gyms) are two different situations and, I agree, this should never happen to young women who are already feeling the full force of societal pressure to conform to compulsory heterosexuality
For me, as a lesbian, the only place I have decided I won’t ever come out is my local gym – because of the lesbophobia around the changing rooms. It’s a place of great joy for me and I don’t want prejudice to spoil it
That is an excellent article and is WHY I continue to fight for Sisterhood and WBW spaces..so we can see and hear and witness each other.. and create a new so much of what we lost: our bookstores, coffeeshops, womon only gathering spaces, shared skills with each other whether trades, printing, handy and repair skills or computer skills, we had pre apprenticeship classes EXCLUSIVELY BY AND FOR WOMYN TO GET THEM INTO SKILLS TRADES OR TO TEACH THEM TO FIX THINGS AROUND THE HOUSE WITH OUT DEFENSE ON A MAN OR BASIC CAR REPAIR OR SELF DEFENSE AND MARTIAL ARTS SKILLS TAUGHT BY AND FOR WOMEN TN WHICH I AND OTHER HAVE DONE! WE HAD ALL THESE RESOURCES AND LOST ALMOST ALL OF THEM.
Partly due to infighting and burnout, economical downturns, rising rents, or womyn giving up on the ” women’s revolution” and going back “into the system” and living male stream lives again to economically survive.
If I believed in reincarnation in a form of this species, I would wish for a culture that encouraged girls to play “Sardines.”
That’s like reverse hide-and-go-seek. One person hides first, and everyone else looks for her and hides with her in a small space.
The last person to find everyone is “It” as to hiding and being found on the next round.
I’ve never played that game. I was never asked.
But wouldn’t that be fun? Just with women, I mean.
Maybe with boys if they were young.
Hi there, interesting article! I think you misinterpreted what I said though, I wasn’t saying sisterhood WAS identity politics, I was criticising the USE of such terms as identity politics, as in, using it in contexts in which sisterhood doesn’t apply. Basically creating a false sense of community for bad reasons.
“Some of those women use the rhetoric of “sisterhood” in order to control, influence and manipulate”.
That was my very point! Was it THAT unclear?
I have always said radical feminism is about movement and transformation AND reason, and I’ve always criticised academic intellectual abstraction. Just to clarify.
Thank you for clarifying. Yes I did agree with the sections within your article where you highlighted how ‘sisterhood’ has, and can be, misused and generally I appreciate your articles where you analyze ‘internal politics gone bad’
I did think you were saying ‘sisterhood’ is always ‘identity politics’ so thank you for explaining you weren’t. In my article, I wanted to cover how the concept of ‘sisterhood’ is key within CR. Sometimes, we can miss the political importance of internal process as part of our revolutionary journeys.
There has been a fair amount of dismissal of some key radical feminist ideas by labeling it ‘identity politics’ from some quarters so that was why I made a point of commenting on it. I am reassured to hear that wasn’t what you were doing.
thanks for your reply. Indeed I didn’t bother to give a definition of sisterhood in my post, as I was just talking about how it’s used in un-feminist ways. I actually think there are several possible definitions of sisterhood, all of which may be compatible with radical feminism: I’ve seen it used to mean a tight knit group of women, an association or an ethics of class solidarity / empathy to all women regardless of who they are and where they come from.
For me I have absolutely no interest in men as a lifelong DykeAmazon. My loyalty first and foremost is to other like minded and friendly Dykes then to womyn as a whole. Sisterhood is something very very deep for me resonating on a sexual, emotional, intellectual, psychic and spiritual level. My spousest and I are Sister DykeAmazons, we are Tribal members always looking for members of our Tribe, sadly so many are choosing to be some version of “men” walking away from our Tribe.
After doing years and years of ritual and in particular Amazon rituals both with other DykeAmazons and other women wanting to claim their Amazonian side as well as Dianic rituals..There is a bio morphine field created that is so powerful and so amazing between womyn as to drive the true POWER of SISTERHOOD to incredible levels
..at least in those ecstatic bonding moments…seeing the Goddess in each other and feeling Her and Mother Earth’s powerful presence. We had Powers beyond what we can imagine…and in the presence of each other we can claim them again…IF we put womyn first and walk into the Power of the Sacred Female/ Mother Earth sand away from the demise mentioned given to so many by men and their male religions.
Just as for me the Goddess of 10000 Names, personas, sizes, skin colors, temperaments and appearances reflect every type of womon on earth and that She is not merely an “archetype” but a very real force to be tapped into..so is the depth of true Sisterhood for me….just like the fierce Sisterhood of the ancient Amazons…
Bio morphic field…life energy field of womyn uniting…is always exciting…The gynophilic field of energy between womyn.
Skulldrix I have to completely agree withbyou. I see Lesbophobia in am most all my interactions with straight women. Even if very, very subtle. .and I hold myself back because I don’t want them to assume my friendliness or affection for them means I’m “hitting” on them as it does with most of their interactions with men. I’m not sexually interested in straight women and I don’t want them to misread me. The reverse can also be true…their fear of really having a friendship with me might mean they’re a Dyke or their hubby or boyfriend will get ideas….
But especially what you talked about your beautiful Lesbian energy going down a black hole and indirectly back to the menz is spot on….
We’re expected to patch them up hear their man and boychild woes, both of which drain them and they are expected to serve and after they get big hugs and nurtance from us or help; go right back into the fray and learn NOTHING.
I just got through a discussion last night in a rad feminist group about the different visions of lesbian vs straight feminists…but every time we state our Lesbian specific NEEDS OR ISSUES they subsume us under their more “universal” straight woman oppressions. And how they have it just as bad or worse..how in subtle ways we should kowtow to their agendas but never the reverse. I called them on their lesbophobia but they never fessed up to it, never owned up to the greater economic privileges they receive by partnering with men, societal esteem and their relationships recognized not constantly denigrated as ” less than”.
They only talked about their oppressions…. NOT their greater privilege. If white women did this to Black or other women of color they’d be called on their racism. Even of we’re all radical feminist.
Lesbians too often silence other Lesbians who stand up to straight women and how they use us giving very little in return….especially in our time of need…i could go on with specific examples of that sometimes vampiristic relationship between straight women using Lesbians without reciprocating support to an EQUAL degree.